I know I’ve been struggling a lot with my relationship with You. And of course, You know I’ve been working through my feelings and wrestling with my disappointments. You know where I am and You know what I’m struggling with.
I don’t know where I am with all of that still. I don’t know what my next steps are and I don’t quite know how to know.
But there’s something bigger that I want to ask of You despite all of this.
It’s for the people I care about. I try too hard sometimes to try to be You to them. During their hardships and trials, I try to do whatever I can, whether that’s serving them by listening or just being with them or buying them things (because it’s my love language), I obsess over trying to fix things for them or doing whatever I can to ease their suffering. In the end, I know I have a hard time trusting You with them. That You will do for them what You have promised in Your Word to do for us. I’m sorry. I just… I care about them but have not yet understood that the most important part in caring for them is to pray and entrust them to You.
Meanwhile the needs of more friends pile on, I find myself completely unable to care for all of them in the way that I want to. I am inadequate. Not only am I not able to serve them in the way I want to but I am growing weary striving to serve more and more.
As I come even more to the realization of my complete inadequacy and the impossibility it is for me to do these thing out of my own strength, I am crying out to You, Jesus. Be what I can’t be to them.
Be their comfort in times of loneliness and pain. Be their strength when they are weak. Be their peace in times of doubt. Be their light when things go dark. Be their hope in times of despair.
Speak Your truth in times of confusion. Sing Your love to them in times of hurt. Hear their cries to You and be quick to answer. Give them healing in times of hurting. Show them their worth in times of shame.
Be their everything.
And maybe.. along the way.. I’ll learn to let You be these things to me. I need Your grace as I learn to trust and love You in the same way. But for now, I pray these things and I entrust the ones I love into Your loving hands.