For The Days When I Don’t Love You
This letter is for the days when I don’t love You.
For the days I don’t feel You.
For the days I can’t hear You.
This is for the days when I seriously wonder if You really love me as much as I’ve heard.
This letter is for days like today. There’s nothing really wrong but there’s nothing really right. Days like today, I miss You but don’t seem to care enough to do anything about it.
Today, I can’t accept the fact that this all feels like work. And I know, it’s supposed to be work. Relationships take work. Growth takes discipline. You never promised it would be easy like that. But days like today, knowing that doesn’t feel like enough.
Because page after page, my diary is full of entries about how I wish I loved You more. How I wish I’d love You better. Days like today are more common than I can bear to admit. But there it is. The ugly truth looming in my heart. The unbearable realization that there are so many things I love more than You.
You ask, “Do you love me?”
“Do you love me?”
A sharp pang in my heart as you ask a third time. Because I know… I know. Most days, I don’t.
So I’m asking You… is Your love enough for the days when I don’t love You?
Can Your love fill up all that is lacking on the days when I don’t love You?
Could Your love still save me on the days when I don’t love You?
If at the end of my earthly life, if at the end of my diary, all You can find are entries of wishes and hopes of loving You more, does Your grace cover all of those days?