For The Days When I Don’t Love You

Dear Jesus,

This letter is for the days when I don’t love You.

For the days I don’t feel You.

For the days I can’t hear You.

This is for the days when I seriously wonder if You really love me as much as I’ve heard.

This letter is for days like today. There’s nothing really wrong but there’s nothing really right. Days like today, I miss You but don’t seem to care enough to do anything about it.

Today, I can’t accept the fact that this all feels like work. And I know, it’s supposed to be work. Relationships take work. Growth takes discipline. You never promised it would be easy like that. But days like today, knowing that doesn’t feel like enough.

Because page after page, my diary is full of entries about how I wish I loved You more. How I wish I’d love You better. Days like today are more common than I can bear to admit. But there it is. The ugly truth looming in my heart. The unbearable realization that there are so many things I love more than You.

You ask, “Do you love me?”

“Do you love me?”

A sharp pang in my heart as you ask a third time. Because I know… I know. Most days, I don’t.

So I’m asking You… is Your love enough for the days when I don’t love You?

Can Your love fill up all that is lacking on the days when I don’t love You?

Could Your love still save me on the days when I don’t love You?

If at the end of my earthly life, if at the end of my diary, all You can find are entries of wishes and hopes of loving You more, does Your grace cover all of those days?

On My Reading Desk This Week (03/03/13 – 03/09/13)

Happpppy Saturday!!

This week was really busy and tiring. So I didn’t get much reading in as I would’ve liked. But what I DID get to read was wonderful. Here’s a list of some of the great things I came across on my reading desk.

What’s So Great About “The Common Good” — Andy Crouch, This is Our City

Why should Christians embrace this phrase?? Great read on recovering the language of the “common good” in Christianity.

Nerf Wars and Women in the Church — Wayne Beason

Stellar. Just stellar. Liberating and redemptive.

‘The Bible’ Series: An Invitation to ‘Change the World’ — Jim Wallis, The Huffington post

“That’s what we are going to do: change the world. Not just to save a few people from hell and get them to heaven..” Amen. This is what our faith is about! I find too often that believers miss this altogether in their worldview. I should start cataloging all the articles and posts I read that relate to developing this understanding.

On International Women’s Day: Why I Can No Longer Defend The Ministry of Women in The Church — Steve Holmes

Brilliant.

March 3 Homily — Leah Wise: a journal

This. Great writing. “God came first with passion, with fury and movement and an impatient drive to protect his people. And he let one of us in. He gave us the power to do something and the motivation to do it. But, just like the disciples and Jesus’ listening crowds, we got lost again in our own concerns. And we saw suffering and only felt lucky not to be suffering, too. And we repeat the cycle daily.”

peace:militarization — Gukira

Great thoughts on  the militarization of peace and the Kenyan Elections.

 

Thoughts? Comments? What’s on your reading desk?

On My Reading Desk This Week (02/24/13 – 03/02/13)

Happy first Saturday of March!!!!!

It’s starting to warm up where I am. I took a short drive to my favorite coffee and bagel place this morning. Going on a drive on a sunny morning to the sounds of country music makes me so nostalgic for life back in upstate NY. Ahh… good times.

I’m particularly excited for this Reading Desk post. So I do hope you make some room for some interesting reads today, tomorrow, err day.

What Could You Live Without? — Nicholas D. Kristoff, New York Times

Awesome article about a young girl with a big vision. That big vision would be considered completely naive coming from a 14-year old girl suggesting that we have the absolute potential to make a difference if we just tried. And yet, she did exactly that. An amazing story about a family who decides to downsize and how it inspired others to live with less to seek the greater good.

It’s Not About Celibacy: Blaming the Wrong Thing for the Sexual Abuse Crisis — Rev. James Martin, Huffington Post

I think this post had really great points about different manifestations of love, the positives and intentions of celibacy, and singleness.

In Christ There Is Neither… — Scot McKnight, Patheos

Raises some critical questions and points about white normative in the American church. Good stuff.

Leeches, Lye and Spanish Fly — Kate Manning, New York Times

I read this when it was first published way before I started doing these Reading Desks. I’m going to put a little warning on this article. It sheds light onto what women are willing to do to abort their pregnancies in places where abortion is illegal. I’m not posting this to suggest anything on a political level or to make a statement about my own political standpoint on the issue. But this is an article that’s absolutely worth taking into consideration as you think about the issue. Read this.

Modern Lessons From Arranged Marriages — Ji Hyun Lee, New York Times

I think western cultures have attached such a negative stigma on arranged marriages. But look at our divorce rates for all our glorification of marrying for love. This article has given me a lot to think about. I think we could learn a lot and benefit from cultures that practice arranged marriages. I love the idea of your community (maybe not just immediate family but any key persons in your life who knows you well) playing an active part in discerning who would be right for you. I think arranged marriage culture has a better grip on love as a verb/choice than we do in the west.

Why I Left World Vision For Finance — Mark Sheerin, Christianity Today

This was so good. So, so, good. That’s all I can really say at the moment.

The Dirty Job of Special Needs Parenting — Barbara Dittrich, Godspace – Christine Sine

“I will confess that this is rarely the way I want to worship God.  I want a more comfortable form of praise and adoration that doesn’t require the high cost of heart ache and personal humility.” This is fantastic. She talks specifically on parenting here but such a good read on “washing feet”. I needed this.

Are You Listening? — The Wind Horse Blog

Beautiful post. “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” I think learning how to listen well is one of the greatest ways to love people. In a messy broken world full of messy broken people, I don’t think most of us, most of the time, are needing advice or fancy words in response to our pain but someone who can just hear and appreciate the full weight of the suck in our lives. Do we know how to listen?

Thoughts? Responses? What’s on your reading desk?